ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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