my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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