If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
