do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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