There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
