Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
