dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
