DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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