I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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