I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
