Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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