yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
