Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
