So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
