Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
