I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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