Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
