hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
