I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
