WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
