The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A+ Viking dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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