Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
