You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
