Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Houston, we have a squirter
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
