i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize