Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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