Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
