I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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