If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
