never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
