our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my shit smells like andre
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
