everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
