you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
