conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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