I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
