My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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