dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
