Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We need to rekindle our bromance
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We are two peas in an std pod
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
