maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
