My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
