i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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