Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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