Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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