Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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