Rock
Scissors
Fuck
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
