she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
