and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
