i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
two words: eviction party
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
