Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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