His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
