That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
