i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
