The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
