How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
