Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
