hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
