I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
