At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
