I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
