(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
