This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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