In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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