My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sober January is a disaster.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
