remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
