Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They are going to name an STD after you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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